Pirates of the St Lawrence versus Mad Dogs of Connecticut
Sunday 25 July 2010

For the third game in succession the Pirates failed to chase down a gettable total with a batting display that would have done credit to Graham Gooch’s England team, circa 1990.

Taking the field with eight players, after four failed to show, the Pirates opened the bowling with the unlikely pace combination of Wisden and Middleton. Middleton was unable to repeat his heroics of the previous week, while Wisden induced a top edge from Lanham, obliging the sub fielder to collect a dolly catch at gully.

Runs, however, were amassing quietly as Moore survived several streaky shots at the start of his innings to settle nicely, favouring the agricultural swipe to leg. He was joined first by Kimberley, who chipped 8 before lifting St-Jean to Richards at mid-on, and then Thakur, who crawled to 22. Both batsmen retired to allow some other canines the chance to pee on the wicket and sniff each other’s posteriors.

With the score safely past 110, and the big guns still to come, the Maddogs lost two quick wickets from run outs – the first, from Myron at extra cover; the second, from Middleton at mid-off. But a spate of wides, dropped catches and misfields took The Dogs to 130 from 20 overs. The Pirates’ thin bowling attack had done its best, without ever threatening to rip out the heart of beast.

What followed shall forever be recorded in the pages of Piratical infamy, the second highest score being that mysterious 11th man “Extras”, who contributed 28.

Bell and Myron opened the innings in fine style, Bell blazing pull shots to the fence, Myron rotating the strike. They put on 23 for the first wicket before Myron offered his leg in place of the bat on 3.

Out strode the confident Kiwi, Ian Richards, licking his lips at the prospect of battering pies into neighbouring counties. What came next will surely be contender for comedy dismissal of the season. After padding off a couple, Richards emerged from his crease and, realising a Lanham grenade was not registering on the speed gun, turned like an F15 back into his crease, and watched the ball explode, darting into the top of leg stump. Flabbergasted, he returned to the pavilion unsure whether to laugh or cry and, unaware that the entire incident had been captured for posterity in grainy long-distance video by a pirate raiding a nearby mountain top.

Some semblance of order was restored with the arrival at the crease of Yorkshire nous, and for a brief while, the illusion that the total might be gained was maintained. Bell drove lucratively down the ground and into the gaps, and Palmer accumulated quietly, taking the score to 62 at the halfway stage. But then disaster struck, as Palmer drove a Woodbridge half-volley straight into the breadbasket of Kimberley at deep mid-on. The sand castle began to crumble.

“Never fear!” shouted the watching throng. “’Tis Roche to the rescue! Don’t worry that his knee is the size of the Hindenberg. All will be fine.” Such hopes were rapidly dispelled as, after slapping a quick single, Roche, three feet out his crease, played across the line to a straight ball, and returned to the scorer’s hut so quickly that his wife was heard enquiring as to why he had removed his pads when he hadn’t been out to bat yet.

St-Jean and Bell scrambled for all they could, the required run rate now rocketing. The Dawgs took all pace off the ball, dropping bombs from high above and moving all men to the boundary. The Saint was stumped, going valiantly for the maximum.

As the resistance crumbled, two farcical run-outs added to the mayhem, with both Patel and Middleton finding themselves halfway up the yardarm without a bat. A last ditch attempt by Rockwell to add some respectability ended with another stumping, and the last man standing, Wisden, stepped out to try and help Cap’n Bell home.

With 29 required from the final over, Bell pummelled the first ball over long-off for a glorious six, bringing up his third fifty of the season and eleventh for the Pirates. The second ball resulted in a scrambled two and, with 21 required from four, Bell was castled attempting to belt the ball somewhere, anywhere, over a distant boundary…

Pirates of the St Lawrence versus Mad Dogs of Connecticut
Sunday 25 July 2010
The Candy Fields, Mont-Saint-Hilaire
Match type: Twenty20 – Bizarre
Weather conditions: Overcast with smoke
Toss won by: Pirates of the St Lawrence
Result: Mad Dogs won by 21 runs

Mad Dogs of Connecticut Innings

Moore retired not out 45
Lanham ct (sub – Stubbs) b Wisden 3
Kimberley ct Richards b St-Jean 8
Thakur retired not out 22
Stubbs run out (Myron) 3
Woodbridge run out (Middleton) 9
Kaytes not out 4
Lawrence (c/wk) not out 8
Major DNB
Sanil DNB

Extras 28 (Byes 2, Leg Byes 4, No Balls 1, Wides 21)
Total 130 for 4 in 20 overs

FoW (1-8, 2-56, 3-112, 4-118)

Bowling

Tom Wisden 3 overs, 1 wicket, 17 runs
Roy Middleton 4 overs, 0 wickets, 28 runs
Hugue St-Jean 4 overs, 1 wicket, 22 runs
Rahul Patel 2 overs, 0 wickets, 13 runs
Angus Bell 4 overs, 0 wickets, 22 runs
William Rockwell 2 overs, 0 wickets, 17 runs
Phil Roche 1 over, 0 wickets, 5 runs

Pirates of the St Lawrence Innings

Angus Bell b Thakur 54 (5×4, 1×6)
Andy Myron lbw Lanham 4
Ian Richards b Lanham 0
Eddie Palmer ct Kimberley b Woodbridge 13 (1×4)
Phil Roche lbw Woodbridge 1
Hugue St-Jean st Lawrence b Thakur 6
Rahul Patel run out 0
Roy Middleton run out 0
William Rockwell st Stubbs b Major 3
Tom Wisden not out 0

Extras 28 (Byes 2, Leg Byes 4, No Balls 0, Wides 22)
Total 109 for 9 in 20 overs

FoW (1-23, 2-25, 3-62, 4-65, 5-86, 6-94, 7-94, 8-100, 9-109)

Bowling

Stubbs 3 overs, 0 wickets, 9 runs
Lanham 3 overs, 2 wickets, 23 runs
Kaytes 1 over, 0 wickets, 11 runs
Moore 4 overs, 0 wickets, 12 runs
Woodbridge 3 overs, 2 wickets, 14 runs
Major 3 overs, 1 wicket, 12 runs
Thakur 3.3 overs, 2 wickets, 15 runs