Pirates of the St Lawrence versus South Star
Sunday 16 September 2012
By Neville Cardus (channelling through Prashant Bhawalkar)

Despite what the headline says, the performance of the Pirates against the South Stars may be more accurately likened to comets. Fuelled by a tail composed purely of flatulence, and powered by a ring-a-ring-o’roses, the Mont-St-Hilaire team clinched a last-ball victory in a match that accelerated the ravages of puberty in many-a-youth within 500 kilometres.

The game began along lines already sketched in the classics of cricketing literature: the birds sang, the snakes slithered, Sundar trembled, thanking his stars that he was a million miles away from the snakes, and the Pirates fielded a world-record 10 nationalities…. in other words, Gawd was in his heaven and all was well with the world. But beneath this Wodehousian idyll tremors lurked — and not merely the ones caused by paceman Bhawalkar’s mouth.

Bhawalkar and Islam gave the Pirates a handy start, with the former putting money where his mouth is. In a spell of 7 overs, he took 2 wickets for 13 runs. Many overs later, however, he compensated for this burst of excellence by dropping a catch that was hit straight to him at short third man. During this unfortunate occurrence, it was difficult to tell whether the bowler, Islam, was laughing or crying. More sinister theories have been proposed, but these shall be shelved in the interests of the family-friendly spirit of the club.

In the end, the efforts of Bhawalkar, Islam, Wareing, and Bell ensured that the South Stars were restricted to 214 for 10 in 45 overs, the pick of the batsmen being Fahad (57), Razi (39), and Sajid (37). Apart from these, only Khan reached double figures with 15.

In response, the Pirates paced their innings perfectly and, amidst a few middle-order panic attacks after the retirement of Bell, managed to take the match to a tense final ball.

In the context of the match, the most valuable stroke played was a telling leg-side slog sweep by the effervescent Kelly Morton during what must surely be the most valuable individual innings of under 5. This moment of glory had, of course, been set up by the efforts of the consistently-devastating Robinson (59), the pugnacious Granville (43), Barrett (39), and Bell (30 n.o.).

The winning run – a thin Chinese cut to fine leg off the final ball was hit by the beaming Islam. The tension now over, 23 grown men – without hesitation – held hands, and skipping in a ring, chanted, ”Pirates and South Star together – friends forever!” It was worth the 9 hours and 90 overs for that alone.

Pirates of the St Lawrence versus South Star
Sunday 16 September 2012
The Candy Fields, Mont-Saint-Hilaire
Match type: 45 overs per side (11 wickets)
Weather conditions: Glorious but first match with sweaters on
Result: Pirates won by 4 wickets

South Star Innings

Extras 46 (Byes 9, Leg Byes 1, No Balls 2, Wides 34)
Total 214 for 10 in 45 overs

FoW (1-10, 2-12, 3-42, 4-48, 5-125, 6-166, 7-188, 8-192, 9-201, 10-214)

Pirates of the St Lawrence Innings

Extras 35 (Byes 20, Leg Byes 4, No Balls 0, Wides 11)
Total 215 for 7 in 45 overs

FoW (1-9, 2-103, 3-143, 4-198*, 5-206, 6-208, 7-210, 8-214)